A Gentle Answer Turns Away Anger

A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath. Proverbs 15:1

I heard it again this morning from a Christian. They responded to an appeal for Christians to care for those who disagree with us, to love and wash the feet of those who would often be considered our enemies. (Washing feet refers to Jesus’ action in John 13:1-17 and is a means of encouraging service to others.) This person seemed to take issue with lovingly washing an enemy’s feet. She responded, “It’s loving to tell people the truth.” And, of course, she’s right. It is loving to tell others the truth. But it wasn’t that she wanted to tell people the truth that concerned me - it was that she offered this as an alternative solution to washing the feet of our enemies. One was pitted against the other as a preferred model of engagement. In other words, the Christian church doesn’t need to wash people’s feet right now; we live in an era where truth is eroding, and people are not just walking away from Christian values - they’re running from them. What is needed now is not a “soft” Christianity but a confrontational Christianity. There is too much at stake to mess around with “soft” Christianity. The world needs strength right now. 

I have heard responses like this regularly from Christian friends. There is a fair amount of anger/angst about the cultural moment we find ourselves in. And I get it. I’m concerned, too. I really believe in the Bible, and I really believe that we need to remain committed to what Scripture teaches, even (and especially) when culture is running in the opposite direction. But I am also concerned because I think that the idea that the world needs an aggressive, confrontational Christianity right now is a bit misguided and, in all seriousness, is a product of the spirit of our current age. 

The spirit of the current age is angst, anger, and confrontation. We see it everywhere we turn. Our politicians are angry. They spend their time belittling one another. They refuse to see anything good in their political opponents. They teach their followers not just to oppose their opponents but to believe that their opponents are evil and must be crushed. Our sports commentators are doing the same. Watch a show, or listen to the radio, and you’ll hear the sports version of “shock jocks.” They trade in hyperbole, and the louder the volume, the larger their following, or so it seems. Watch the activists who are concerned about various social ills. They boycott, they shout, and occasionally, they even burn and riot and loot. Anger, angst, and aggressive confrontation are the language of the culture at the moment. And the church is following suit. We are speaking the language of the culture and trying to baptize our answers, but we look just like the angry, angst-ridden, confrontational populace around us. We just have a different message. And it “works”. I can point you to plenty of churches, both on the progressive and conservative sides, who are embracing this posture and gaining followers. Their churches are growing, not just in number but also in anger. 

Now I can hear the pushback. “Didn’t Jesus get angry?!? Didn’t he flip over tables and use a whip?” Of course, he did. There’s no denying it. But I want you to look a little deeper. Each time that Jesus engaged in that type of behavior, it was directed toward those who claimed to be part of his theological community and who were guilty of misusing their religious tradition for their own personal self-benefit. Whether it be the money changers in the temple, who were defrauding the public through the act of worship, or the Pharisees (who he called whitewashed tombs), who were placing heavy, legalistic burdens on the people and using it to elevate themselves and create structures of superiority over the general public. But Jesus did not predominantly employ this method and did not seem to utilize it toward those whom he would have considered far from God. Instead, the majority of Jesus’ life and ministry was defined by his kindness, his compassion, and his efforts to wash the feet of his enemies. 

Now, it’s essential to point out that Jesus never sacrificed truth as he engaged in these acts of compassion. Consider the woman who was caught in adultery. The masses wanted to stone her to death. Jesus showed her grace and forgiveness and then sent her off, saying, “Go and sin no more.” Jesus didn’t employ a convictionless faith. He stood on conviction and embraced the truth. Exclusively. But his posture was generally one of kindness and mercy, even as he was unyielding on the issue of truth. 

The language of our culture is anger, angst, and confrontation. The counter-cultural response in this cultural moment, I am convinced, is generally the gentle answer. We need to subvert the cultural narrative. We need to provide a counter-cultural, Jesus-centered method of engagement. And it is unequivocally false to pit kindness and compassion against speaking the truth. We can and should embody both. I fear that we have unintentionally created a division between the ethics of Jesus and the orthodoxy of God’s word. Consider just a few of the things that Jesus said. 

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the humble, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I tell you, don’t resist an evildoer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 

You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. 

Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

These are not a comprehensive list of Jesus’ ethical statements, nor am I trying to convince you that these are the only things Jesus said about how we ought to behave. Instead, my point is to show that Jesus said a lot about this behavior. It was the cornerstone of his most significant sermon (the Sermon on the Mount), and it would be biblically inconsistent to ignore this kind of ethic as inconsequential just because we don’t think it “works” right now. I would also tell you that “what works” shouldn’t be the Christian’s most significant motivator - being like Jesus should be what primarily motivates us. And Jesus was clear that following him often wouldn’t “work.” 

You are blessed when they insult you and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of me. Be glad and rejoice, because your reward is great in heaven. For that is how they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Jesus told him, “Foxes have dens, and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

Further, while anger can undoubtedly be a biblically appropriate emotion, depending on the situation, I also believe that angst is often a particular rejection of God’s sovereignty. We can look around and be disturbed about the moment we are in, but we should not be discouraged about the future. If we believe that God is sovereign and will be victorious in the end, we have every reason to be optimistic and hopeful. This is yet another way in which we can be counter-cultural. It would be difficult for many in the culture to understand how we can be optimistic and hopeful even as we are disturbed by the direction that culture is running. 

Let me close with this consideration from Jesus’ life. The night before Jesus died, he shared a dinner with the twelve disciples. Sitting at the table was Judas. Jesus was not unaware. He specifically pointed out, during their dinner, that Judas would soon betray him. Not only was Judas there, but so was Peter. Jesus pointed out during the dinner that Peter would deny Jesus within hours of the dinner. And yet, how did Jesus engage with these two - both of whom could be considered his enemies, one of whom would essentially condemn him to death shortly after that? Jesus knelt, and he washed their dirty, nasty feet. 

Do you want to speak the truth? That’s good. You should. But ask yourself this question. Can you wash the feet of the one you want to speak the truth to? And don’t just let this remain as theory. Why can’t you invite them to share a meal? Why can’t you pray for them, not just imprecatory prayers - but prayers for God’s blessing? Why can’t you send them a note and tell them you are thinking of them? Speak truth, by all means, but don’t pit truth against kindness, compassion, and grace. Jesus certainly didn’t.